Adoption is often complicated. And what happens if, after the process is completed, behavioural challenges crop up for you as a mum?
That was the situation Sarah Fisher faced, and here she talks honestly about how she overcame everything she had to deal with.
Not only that, she is now helping other parents too.
Life isn’t easy
Becoming a mum is the best thing I’ve ever done.
I adopted my son when he was 7 and it’s not been an easy road.
We both struggled.
I felt judged when his behaviour wasn’t perfect and in the first few months and years, if was far from perfect at times.
The thing is no one seemed to be able to help me.
I tried everything but nothing seemed to help. That’s when I came across a different way of parenting and as soon as I started using it, things started to change for the better.
Life is much better now
Since learning this approach, I’ve retrained and now help parents in the way I wish I’d been helped.
I run courses and workshops for parents including the Connective Parenting Conference in Edinburgh in September.
Top parenting tips
I thought I’d share my top 3 tips for parents:
- Give each of your children your undivided attention, ideally every day even if it’s only for a few minutes. Spend time doing something they enjoy – that might be playing lego, watching their favourite tv programme or playing a game together. It shows them you’re interested in them and helps to build a strong bond between you.
- Don’t use imposed consequences. Instead use natural (happens automatically) or logical (connected to the behaviour) ones. These help children to really understand the impacts of their behaviour and choices, and over time they learn to make different choices.
- In the moment when things are escalating, try and stay calm, say as little as possible and don’t try and have the last word. It doesn’t help. When they are calm talk to them, you’ll be able to have a better conversation with them.